#don't know how to tag

[spotsquad]

Fluster Alastor 🤣Never thought I'll ever see this.

[yallemagne]

Queer.

Every so often, the same fucking post roles up on my dash. And since it's Pride Month? You know what it's about.

Now, I will be frank, any time I see someone crying "you can't use queer for yourself because I don't want to be called a slur!!!" I do roll my eyes, though that doesn't mean I don't understand the concept.

When I didn't even know who I was, I had plenty of terms thrown at me that didn't fit. People didn't know what to call me so usually they just called me gay. I didn't like being called gay because it wasn't who I was. Gay implied something about both my gender and my sexuality that wasn't true... but I didn't know the truth yet. I could hardly correct people.

Eventually, I figured out that my ambivalence to either gender didn't mean I was bi without a preference but that I was asexual. I explained this to people who would try to categorize me as gay, "No, actually, I'm asexual.", and I would then explain the concept of asexuality. This led to sexual harassment. Getting dressed in the locker room and being told what sexual positions people imagined me in and with whom. Being made to feel like I was the pervert in those situations.

And now saying I'm ace still gets a similar response just from what I hope is a more well-meaning crowd.

"Well, ace people can have sex/want to have sex. Are you sure you're not demi/greyace? You've never even tried sex, so you don't know." Congrats for vaguely understanding the concept of a spectrum. I personally use the dictionary definition of asexual, so I do not partake in sex nor desire to.

"Well, ace people can date/want to date. You have to say ace/aro or I'll just assume you're heteroromantic." No, because for me, unless explicitly stated otherwise, asexual and aromantic are a package deal. You wouldn't demand this same clarification from someone of any other sexuality.

It's a frustrating situation where even when I am clear and using a community-approved label for myself, I am still sexualized and pressured into seeking a relationship, and it puts me back into the mind of the kid who was bullied in the locker room. That doesn't mean that ace people on the opposite side of the spectrum or with different romantic attractions are my enemy. It just means we're different, and it's lovely that we're different, and the people who attempt to weaponize the speculative chance that an ace person might be down to fuck in order to pressure that person into sex are the real assholes.

I didn't know I was trans for the longest time because gender-nonconforming trans people were paraded around as freaks and the gender-conforming ones were just barely safe from scrutiny so long as they weren't associating with those people. But I eventually figured out that I'm genderqueer. I tend to say trans-masc nonbinary, but a more encompassing label might be genderqueer, and I drop the "gender" part and say queer because it embodies my gender identity and sexuality paired together, not separated into neat little boxes.

From my own queer perspective, the frustration with being told not to use the word queer is that we either have to pick from the four most recognizable labels (lesbian, gay, bi, and trans), dip into the bargain bin of obscure and often unaccepted labels, or make up something new. We're often told that we don't fit into the big four categories, that we are a disgrace to those. Obscure labels constantly have to be explained, and people turn their noses up upon hearing them. And making up a new label always has the risk of it being swept from under us and us being told by our more "acceptable" counterparts: "Your identity offends. Change it."

People saw my gender presentation and lack of interest in dating and picked words they already knew to describe me, and since those words didn't fit me, I felt even more isolated in a time when I needed support. I got my hair cut in middle school, and it was like I was finally moving in the right direction. My friend saw and the first thing she did was laugh at me, calling me a dyke. That does not give me the right to tell dykes "Hey! That word hurt me! You have to use the softer word "lesbian" instead." Besides, it wasn't the word, it was the intent of the person who threw it at me.

No one reclaiming the word queer is using it as a slur, but we are villified and told "That word hurt me! Use a softer word!" And I have to ask: is it really any one of you non-queer-identifying individuals' business? You see someone in the process of loving themselves and finding themselves in a diverse community, and you want to shatter that because you were hurt before? That's villain origin story shit. You want to poison the well because if people are allowed to call themselves queer more people will know the word queer and think it's okay to say and randos will think that you are queer and use queer to describe you when you're actually lesbian, gay, bi, trans, whatever label you prefer. But just because someone might misidentify you doesn't mean other identities need to be pushed back into the closet.

And of course, some are upset because people say Queer Community and it's called Queer History rather than being separated out into Gay History, Lesbian History, Bisexual History, Trans History--- but dude? You can still say LGBT or LGBTQ or LGBTQIA+ (though, if you hate the word queer, I guess you'd only accept the first acronym?) when referring to the community, and people will NEVER stop using the acronym. You aren't being run out by us scary queer people with our nasty labels, YOURS STILL EXIST AND YOU ARE STILL FREE TO LABEL YOURSELF AS YOU PLEASE. Does that mean no one will ever unknowingly group you in as queer when you're not comfortable with it? No. But... I'm sorry... but fucking suck it up.

You aren't queer? Okay, yeah, I accept that. I am queer. That doesn't make you a good person and me a bad person or vice versa.

[rryeongchaes]

I have decided to finally cave and make a tumblr. Drop me a message in my inbox if you want to talk to me about my works! Or throw me any random Itzy thought! Always down to talk about these five girls or kpop ggs in general.

Will do my best to keep active on here while I work on stuff over on ao3 (ryeongchaes_plant). It will mostly be me posting about how much Ryujin and Chaeryeong occupy my brain :D

-RCP

[hoardicboy]

[Image Id, a flag with two light blue striped have bumpy edges, and 4 stripes below or above the light blue stripes that go dark blue, blush red, dark blue, blush red, with a thick black stripe in the center ID end] [ID help is nice!]

Littleboyliker

When one's gender is a little boyliker, or little and uhmmm ummm men men boys you like boys you're a boy liker you like kissing men on the lips, blushing and boys men kissing boys men uhhhhh loving boys

@luvlybunii, maker of genderlittle and @donniesbf maker of genderboyliker

[rosieparker1856]

I was feeling not great and was scrolling through my Tik Tok and found this video my friend had sent me. It was a number to a "Pep Talk Hotline" set up by kindergartners and I was like 'I couldn't feel worse than I do now so may as well give it a shot'. I called it and it was the cutest thing ever and genuinely made me feel so much better. Thought I'd share my experience and the number soooo.... (707)-873-7862

[confusedgeckotree]

Intro Post

Hi! I go by Gecko, Felix, Líf/Lífþrasir or Bleu. I am genderfluid and prefer they/it pronouns right now but he/him, fae/faer, ae/aer, ne/nim/nyr, and occasionally she/her vibe too. they change all the time but i am trying to keep em updated-ish(its 5/5/2024 rn). I'm active on DeviantArt(BleuberrytheFox) and discord(geckotree59), but sometimes I throw random thoughts here!

Presently, my brain rot is mostly Rainworld, The Magnus Archives(/TMAGP) and the Mechanisms focused, yippee

I still have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm figuring it out

Also I used to be THESKETCHTWOLF.52 and later Bleuberrythefox on the warrior cats and wings of fire FANDOMs, so if you knew me from way back when feel free to say hi lol

[achtungmandatory]

Wow, that hurt

strained

[shadesofmauve]

I want to step away from the art-vs-artist side of the Gaiman issue for a bit, and talk about, well, the rest of it. Because those emotions you're feeling would be the same without the art; the art just adds another layer.

Source: I worked with a guy who turned out to be heavily involved in an international, multi-state sex-slavery/trafficking ring.

He was really nice.

Yeah.

It hits like a dumptruck of shit. You don't feel stable in your world anymore. How could someone you interacted with, liked, also be a truly horrible person? How could your judgement be that bad? How can real people, not stylized cartoon bogeymen, be actually doing this shit?

You have to sit with the fact that you couldn't, or probably couldn't, have known. You should have no guilt as part of this horror — but guilt is almost certainly part of that mess you're feeling, because our brains do this associative thing, and somehow "I liked [the version of] the guy [that I knew]", or his creations, becomes "I made a horrible mistake and should feel guilty."

You didn't, loves, you didn't.

We're human, and we can only go by the information we have. And the information we have is only the smallest glimpse into someone else's life.

I didn't work closely with the guy I knew at work, but we chatted. He wasn't just nice; he was one of the only people outside my tiny department who seemed genuinely nice in a workplace that was rapidly becoming incredibly toxic. He loaned me a bike trainer. Occasionally he'd see me at the bus stop and give me a lift home.

Yup. I was a young woman in my twenties and rode in this guy's car. More than once.

When I tell this story that part usually makes people gasp. "You must feel so scared about what could have happened to you!" "You're so lucky nothing happened!"

No, that's not how it worked. I was never in danger. This guy targeted Korean women with little-to-no English who were coerced and powerless. A white, fluent, US citizen coworker wasn't a potential victim. I got to be a person, not prey.

Y'know that little warning bell that goes off, when you're around someone who might be a danger to you? That animal sense that says "Something is off here, watch out"?

Yeah, that doesn't ping if the preferred prey isn't around.

That's what rattled me the most about this. I liked to think of myself as willing to stand up for people with less power than me. I worked with Japanese exchange students in college and put myself bodily between them and creeps, and I sure as hell got that little alarm when some asian-schoolgirl fetishist schmoozed on them. But we were all there.

I had to learn that the alarm won't go off when the hunter isn't hunting. That it's not the solid indicator I might've thought it was. That sometimes this is what the privilege of not being prey does; it completely masks your ability to detect the horrors that are going on.

A lot of people point out that 'people like that' have amazing charisma and ability to lie and manipulate, and that's true. Anyone who's gotten away with this shit for decades is going to be way smoother than the pathetic little hangers-on I dealt with in university. But it's not just that. I seriously, deeply believe that he saw me as a person, and he did not extend personhood to his victims. We didn't have a fake coworker relationship. We had a real one. And just like I don't know the ins-and-outs of most of my coworkers lives, I had no idea that what he did on his down time was perpetrate horrors.

I know this is getting off the topic, but it's so very important. Especially as a message to cis guys: please understand that you won't recognize a creep the way you might think you will. If you're not the preferred prey, the hind-brain alarm won't go off. You have to listen to victims, not your gut feeling that the person seems perfectly nice and normal. It doesn't mean there's never a false accusation, but face the fact that it's usually real, and you don't have enough information to say otherwise.

So, yeah. It fucking sucks. Writing about this twists my insides into tense knots, and it was almost a decade ago. I was never in danger. No one I knew was hurt!

Just countless, powerless women, horrifically abused by someone who was nice to me.

You don't trust your own judgement quite the same way, after. And as utterly shitty as it is, as twisted up and unstead-in-the-world as I felt the day I found out — I don't actually think that's a bad thing.

I think we all need to question our own judgement. It makes us better people.

I don't see villains around every corner just because I knew one, once. But I do own the fact that I can't know, really know, about anyone except those closest to me. They have their own full lives. They'll go from the pinnacles of kindness to the depths of depravity — and I won't know.

It's not a failing. It's just being human. Something to remember before you slap labels on people, before you condemn them or idolize them. Think about how much you can't know, and how flawed our judgement always is.

Grieve for victims, and the feeling of betrayal. But maybe let yourself off the hook, and be a bit slower to skewer others on it.

[fox-bright]

I am never going to be able to leave Reddit.

[luckyladylily]

So a few months ago there was the discourse about would you rather meet a man or a bear in the woods. I didn't want to touch it while the discourse was hot and everyone dug in hard because those are not good conditions for nuance, but I waited until today, June 1st, for a specific reason.

I'm not going to take a position in the bear vs man debate because I don't think it matters. What is really being asked here is how afraid are you of men? Specifically, unexpected men who are, perhaps, strange.

People have a lot of very real fear of men that comes from a lot of very real places. Back when I was first transitioning in 2015 and 2016, I decided to start presenting as a woman in public even though I did not pass in the slightest.

I live in a red state. I knew other trans women who had been attacked by men, raped by men. I knew I was taking a risk by putting myself out there. I was the only visibly trans person in the area of campus I frequented, and people made sure I never forgot that. Most were harmless enough and the worst I got from them was curious stares. Others were more aggressive, even the occasional threat. I had to avoid public bathrooms, of course, and always be aware of my surroundings.

I know how frightening it is to be alone at night while a pair of men are following behind you and not knowing if they are just going in the same direction or if they want to start something - made all the worse for the constant low level threat I had been living under for over a year by just being visibly trans in a place where many are openly hostile to queer people. You have to remember, this was at the height of the first wave of bathroom law discussions, a lot of people were very angry about trans women in particular. My daily life was terrifying at times. I was never the subject of direct violence, but I knew trans women who had been.

I want you to keep all that in mind.

So man or bear is really the question "how afraid of men are you?", and the question that logically follows is "What if there was a strange man at night in a deserted parking lot?" or "What if you were alone in an elevator with a man?" or "What if you met a strange man in the woman's bathroom?"

My state recently passed an anti trans bathroom bill. The rhetoric they used was about protecting women and children from "strange men", aka trans women.

Conservatives hijack fear for their bigoted agenda.

When I first started presenting as a woman the campus apartment complex was designed for young families. The buildings were in a large square with playgrounds in the center, and there were often children playing. I quickly noticed that when I took my daughter out to play, often several children would immediately stop what they were doing and run back inside. It didn't take me long to confirm that the parents were so afraid of "the strange man who wears skirts" that their children were under strict instructions to literally run away as soon as they saw me.

"How afraid are you of a strange man being near your children?"

I mentioned above that I had to avoid public bathrooms. This was not because of men. It was because of women who were so afraid of random men that they might get violent or call someone like the police to be violent for them if I ever accidentally presented myself in a way that could be interpreted as threatening, when my mere presence could be seen as a threat. If I was in the library studying and I realized that it was just me and one other woman I would get up and leave because she might decide that stranger danger was happening.

Your fear is real. Your fear might even come from lived experiences. None of that prevents the fact that your fear can be violent. Women's fear of men is one of the driving forces of transmisogyny because it is so easy to hijack. And it isn't just trans women. Other trans people experience this, and other queer people too. Racial minorities, homeless people, neurodivergent people, disabled people.

When you uncritically engage with questions like man or bear, when you uncritically validate a culture of reactive fear, you are paving the way for conservatives and bigots to push their agenda. And that is why I waited until pride month. You cannot engage and contribute to the culture of reactive fear without contributing to queerphobia of all varieties. The sensationalist culture of reactive fear is a serious queer issue, and everyone just forgot that for a week as they argued over man or bear. I'm not saying that "man" is the right answer. I am saying that uncritically engaging with such obvious click bait trading on reactive fear is a problem. Everyone fucked up.

It is not a moral failing to experience fear, but it is a moral responsibility to keep a handle on that fear and know how it might harm others.

[snakesong]

Aaaand title of Worst Household* Chore to do goes toooooooo...

Re-assembling the bed after washing the sheets.

Like, there are too many steps. I just want to sleep. But no, I have to wrestle several different fabric thingamabobs into place first.

(Doesn't help that I sleep with a weighted blanket and need to manhandle 20 pounds of sand and roll it into a duvet cover.)

*I currently live in a college dorm and do not have/need a kitchen. Consequently, the winner may change once I move into a place with a kitchen.

[algrit]

I already love each one of them aswell as the whole movie oh my god

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem (2023)

[sabertoothwalrus]

does science experiments on you (homoerotically)

[marshmellowtea]

i desperately need people to realize there's a difference between "women need to coddle (cis) men's feelings even when they're being misogynistic uwu" and "we shouldn't tolerate misogyny but actively keeping men separate from women and treating them like they're inherently dangerous to women is only going to worsen the problem (and also this mindset causes IMMEASURABLE harm to nonbinary, trans, and intersex people, who are already incredibly at risk right now)" and i need people to realize that NOW

[agendercryptidlev]

"Women only" and "Man free" spaces tend to have a lot of normalized abuse because they view abuse as based on identity and not as a pattern of behaviors that any person can exhibit

[xulips]

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